Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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