So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
