I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
