I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
