3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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