i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
