So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
