I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
