It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
