Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
