don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
