I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
