so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Houston, we have a blender
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
