But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
