You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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