Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
