There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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