I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
