if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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