You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
