Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
