I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
