great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
