Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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