How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
