It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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