Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
