I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
