one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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