When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
