sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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