isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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