i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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