I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
