I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
