his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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