Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
