Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
