I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
