I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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