He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
