Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
