I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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