Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
