You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
