some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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