I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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