I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
