your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
