I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
