We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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